An year out of college, a day out of work, as I gear myself up for taking the next step of my life, all I can do is to wonder how is it going to be. Each time I did something new, there was a sort of unknown anxiety, but this time around this anxiety is accompanied with a sense of disquietude, alienation. There are times when I begin to cry, bitterly, bitterly weeping; but whether for misery or joy, I honestly don’t know!
A new family, but would I feel at home? A partner, but …? The oncommon may fear not but standards and answers are necessary for the common ruck. I wonder if he feels the same. I do not ask. He does not say. There is a pause of strange abstraction between us, a strange mass of thoughts coiled in the darkness.
Arranged marriages they say are like that. And we with a deliberate unconsciousness follow it word by word. And strengthen the foundation of what they say with an indestructible char of what we call experience. Imprisoned within a limited, false set of concepts, the young people growing up today, I strongly believe, are really dead before they have a chance to live. They put themselves into situations bizarre, and try to deal with them with the same old routine set of concepts.
Friends and family have no other topic left in the world to make conversations on. Facebook has pictures of acquaintances getting married almost every day, of course different ones. All of a sudden there is nothing but this. And then with all these is the incoherent shopping to be done. You are bound to lose the last bit of sense that might have been mistakenly left behind.
Marriages they say are made in heaven. I can’t confirm that bit. But the stumbling blocks all around and over it are for sure created by us. We are just another expression of the incomprehensible. We are humans looking through the wrong end of the opera glass. But is it actually the ‘wrong’ end? Don’t we see what we want to see; and feel how we want to feel?
Now that we have jumped over the edge, we are bound to land somewhere. Hope we land into a world of pure sensation and passion. Hope is a good thing!